Once you get hitched, everything changes. Your world all of the sudden has another person permanently a part of it, and everyone else is in second place. Obviously, this is magical and amazing, and it how it is meant to be; it does create some challenges though. The hardest for me was the challenge of keeping your friends close.
At one of my bridal showers, a few of my married friends said how they don’t have much of a social life anymore. Their life is all about school, work, and spending time with their spouse. Now, I remembered being extremely concerned and confused about that. Being social is and was such a big part of who I am, that I couldn’t imagine not having a social life outside of marriage. When my husband and I would go to visit his family, we would ALWAYS get together with his friends (almost all of whom are married) which to me proved that there is no reason NOT to have a social life.
Just then, I remembered my Great-grandma’s couple’s club. They got together once a month and went to dinner or gathered to play games and play music together. They did that for probably about 50 years, if not more. I remember being babysat by grandma when they had these get-togethers, and recognizing the special bond that that group had. They had grown together, supported each other through the years, and had such great memories!
Upon remembering this, I set into motion monthly dinner parties with my married friends and close single friends. It started out with 5 consistently coming, then as more people got married or moved in around us, grew to an amazing group of people. We had about 15 couples show up to our 2nd Annual Halloween Party this year.
As we were driving home from a family Christmas Party this weekend, we listened to “For All Eternity,” John L. Lund, a series of talks about the differences between men and women and how we can communicate better. (I’d highly recommend this to anyone- married or single- it has AMAZING insight, is entertaining, and really gets you thinking! Love it!) Anyways, in this, he talks about how women tend to need other people to talk to and generally have multiple people with whom they share intimate life experiences with (including their spouse). Men, however, usually have their spouse and MAYBE one other person. I have found this to be very true.
This got me thinking about who those people are for me… while I have my parents and in-laws, it has been increasingly hard to continue a strong relationship with some of my closest friends. Either they have moved, gotten married and are hard to get together with, or seem to have “moved on”. It’s almost heartbreaking to think about. I love all of these people dearly, and thankfully, it is easy to talk to them no matter how long it is between visits, but it is sad when you only get to see them when there are 20 other people around.
I am making it my goal- and you who read this are my witnesses- that I will make efforts to get with my friends either one-on-one or in smaller, intimate groups to spend time with them at least once a month. This is outside of our already planned dinner parties and game nights. Maybe this will become monthly girls nights! Whose in?!
I believe friendships are a very important part of our lives, but like many other things, if you don’t work on them constantly, they fizzle out and become weak. I will not be the reason that happens. I love my friends far too much to allow myself to do that. Thankfully, we have moved into a great ward where we have many other people our age and we keep making more and more friends. I am THRILLED with this! There are many that we already love and adore.
So to all of my friends, old and new, I promise I will make you a priority. I believe we need each other. We need some girl time, we need to reconnect!